" You have to put things in your mouth to eat them. You can't just undo your hat. "
[We love real people ]

Real people are great but sometimes they are too frightened to talk to you. We must hand them potatoes until they do. Documentated evidence of actual real contact with actual real people.
We Love Ainsley posted by Archie

If I had to touch Rolf, I would.
If I didn't have to touch Rolf, I would.
If Rolf were to touch me...
Well, I'd be the most excited I've ever been.

Let us.

We Love Ainsley posted by Tarquin and Archie

We love Ainsley, we do. So should you. He is good. If you don't what are you doing here? Prepare a salad, or a dinner, put the kettle on and try to be 12% as good as Lord Ainsley.

People don't get more real

Lemons in Sport posted by Tarquin

It is a fact that at least some real people like to play sports and it is also true that some people like fruit. Deuce.

Juice up!
Washing-up liquid fun posted by Tarquin

KwikSave have literary sub-standard products on their shelves. We see this; we tell them; we tell you; you cut a mango into small squares and pop each one of them into your slippers, finally closing off the foot-holes with selotape to "seal in" the flavour.

The error of their ways
Potato Deliverance posted by Archie

Hallowe'en, people deserve potatoes. Surely? A delightful romp through the annals of human response to the humble spud when dressed in silly ways.

Potato Deliverance
" That's because you don't get herbal tea from breasts. "